She’s always been fodder for humor, but the best Hillary Clinton jokes are starting to come out now that she’s running for president. We’ve collected the funniest jokes about Hillary Clinton that we could find, including both riddles and long-form jokes. Hillary jokes about Bill and his affairs are so 20 years ago- the jokes below have to do with Hillary Clinton running for president in 2016. If you liked these, check out our page of funny Donald Trump jokes as well.
Hillary Clinton Riddles
Q: Apparently Monica Lewinsky won’t be voting for Hillary Clinton this election
A: She says the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth
Q: All Trump has to say to beat Hillary in the debates
A: I have the receipts.
Q: What does Bill say to Hillary after sex?
A: Honey I’ll be home in 20 minutes.
Q: What is Bill Clinton’s definition of safe sex?
A: When Hillary is out of town.
Hillary Clinton Election 2016 Jokes
Hillary Visits With Native Americans
Hillary Clinton was recently invited to speak in front of a major gathering of the American Indian Nation in upstate New York. She spoke for nearly an hour about her plans for increasing every Native American’s standard of living. She talked about her experience as a U.S. Senator and how she had voted for every Native American issue that came to the floor of the Senate.
Despite Hillary being vague about the details of her plans, she seemed enthusiastic and spoke eloquently about her ideas for helping her “red sisters and brothers.”
At the end of her speech, the Tribes presented Hillary with a plaque inscribed with her new Indian name, “Walking Eagle.” Honored and happy with how everything went, Hillary then left to go to a fundraiser, smiling and waving to the crowd from her motorcade.
A news reporter later asked the group of chiefs how they came to choose the new name they had given to Mrs. Clinton.
They explained that “Walking Eagle” is the name given to a bird so full of sh*t it can no longer fly.
The Pope and Hilary Clinton
Hillary Clinton and the Pope are sharing a huge stage at a gathering in New York, where thousands of people have come to see them speak.
The Pope leans in to Hillary and says, “Did you know that with just one wave of my hand I can make every person in the crowd ecstatic with joy? The joy will not be temporary, but instead will go deep into their hearts and be remembered for the rest of their lives.”
Hillary, looking at the Pope with skepticism, says “If you can really do that, then show me.”
The Pope reaches out and backhands Hillary, knocking her off the stage. The crowd roars while the Pope looks down at Hillary and says, “I told you I could do it!”
Bill and Hillary
When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said, “I put a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it.”
In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. On the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In it were 3 empty beer cans and $81,874.25 in cash.
She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why there was such a box and with those contents. That evening, they were out for a special anniversary dinner.
After dinner, Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying, “I’m so sorry, Bill. For all these years, I kept my promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know, why do you keep the 3 beer cans in the box?”
Bill thought for a while and said, “I guess after all these years you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you, I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again.”
Hillary was shocked, but said, “Hmmm, Jennifer, Paula and Monica. I’m disappointed and saddened by your behavior; however, since you are addicted to sex I guess it does happen and I guess 3 times is not that bad considering your problem.”
Bill thanked her for being so understanding. They hugged and made their peace. A little while later Hillary asked Bill, “So why do you have all that money in the box?”
He answered, “Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took them to the recycling center.”
Hillary Clinton Meets Satan
Hillary was finishing up a day on the campaign trail when the Devil suddenly appeared in her and made her an offer.
“I am here to make you a deal,” the Devil says. “I will give you unlimited wealth, power, and a media that will pander to your every whim. In return, all I ask for is your soul, the souls of every member of your family, and the souls of all your constituents.”
Hillary ponders for a moment and then asks, “Unlimited wealth and power?”
“Completely unlimited,” the Devil confirms.
“A pandering media?” she asked.
“They’ll fall over themselves to support you, no matter what you do or say,” the Devil assured.
“And you want my soul, my family’s souls, and the souls of my constituents?” she asks.
“Yes. All of them,” says the Devil.
Hillary thinks deeply about it, then finally says, “So…what’s the catch?”
Hillary and Abraham Lincoln’s Ghost
Hillary Clinton is elected president, and on the first night she spends in the White House she realizes that all new presidents are visited by the ghosts of presidents past. The first night she is visited by the ghost of George Washington. She asks him, “President Washington, what can I do to best serve the United States?”
The ghost of George Washington responds, “Never tell a lie.”
She replies, “Thank you, I can do that.”
On the second night, Hillary is visited by the ghost of Thomas Jefferson. She asks him, “President Jefferson, what can I do to best serve the United States?”
The ghost of Thomas Jefferson responds, “Listen to the people.”
She says, “Thank you, I can do that.”
On the third night, she is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. She asks him, “President Lincoln, what can I do to best serve the United States?”
The ghost of Abraham Lincoln responds, “Go see a play.”
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